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I just spilled on me. All right. Happy Friday, America. So, how’s your civil war going? I know it’s crazy out there. I nearly got hit by a cannonball.
It’s good to see Brian Stelter found work. Call me Brian. But once again, let’s look at what the media defines as harm versus what real harm is. You probably didn’t hear about the machete attack in New York two days ago. That’s right. I said machete. Who knew we lived in the Brazilian rainforest. But there was a machete attack in New York and get this, it was a repeat machete attack by a repeat machete attacker who’d been arrested many times, including for attacking people with, you’ll never guess, that’s right, machetes.
She also attacked people with bear spray, which is only supposed to be used on Bret Baier. He actually likes it. Well, pervert. But the psycho must be wondering, what’s it got to take to get arrested in New York? She must be getting machete elbow, for Christ’s sake. Oh. So, days after being released, this young black woman was out on the street again and attacked an older black doorman. Not much of a story, of course, because, well, the variables are all wrong. She’s not extreme-MAGA. And besides, jail cells are for Steve Bannon and guys who dress as Vikings at the Capitol.
And how about the fiend who shot and killed four people in Memphis and then smiled like it was his high school yearbook photo and he had just been voted class clown. This ghoul was also a repeat offender. He’d been previously charged with attempted murder, but that was downgraded, so he’s back on the street faster than Hunter Biden’s last date. But I guess we’d hear more about it if he was extreme-MAGA, but he’s not. And besides, like Alec Baldwin, they’ll just blame the gun. Too soon? Because remember, the real war is between MAGA and democracy. You know, it’s like when Jaws made people scared of sharks, when Easy-Bake Ovens were a far greater threat. Wow. I must be old. Am I really older than the audience. Oh, God. I’m going to need some Relief Factor.
Anyway, did you see what happened in Las Vegas? Huge story. A notable investigative journalist, which rules out Kilmeade, this journalist was found stabbed to death. Now, this is the kind of story that enrages journalists. One of their own gets taken out for speaking truth to power.
He’d been actively writing about Vegas corruption and was stabbed to death by someone he pissed off. You know, it sounds like a scene right out of Casino or Kat’s honeymoon. But he helped catch his own killer. The killer’s DNA was found under the victim’s fingernails. So I guess this is what Biden was warning us about. These extreme MAGA types lashing out at our media and our Democratic leaders.
Except, well, the accused killer is actually a Democratic leader, a Democrat politician in Vegas. So, no wonder the media abandoned the story like it was Ashley Biden’s diary. A lot of important tips on bathing in there. That’s vague enough, right? Now, if you read the headlines or skim the articles, you’d never know, the killer is a Democrat, which I totally understand, because whoever writes the article has to figure that the killer will probably be out of jail in mere months. And we know how the killer feels about journalists who write bad things about him. So really, there’s no need to rub his nose in it over being a Democrat. Just call him an official.
Now, you think a Republican would get the same treatment if he murdered someone? They’re way ahead of me. You’re right, but you knew that. Fact is, the paper that the dead journalists worked on was one of the few Republican owned papers. So this attack was not just against one reporter, but an entire staff, a paper and the media doesn’t give a —-, because they aren’t on the same team.
So, they erase the political affiliation like it was a biological woman. Now, making crime funny. It’s hard. Now if the situation where reversed, then you would know the headline, “Republican murders brave journalist.” Sorry, no, it would be, “Extreme-MAGA murders journalists, women and minorities hit hardest, experts blame Trump and climate change.” And it would be woven into the fantasy of this so-called MAGA civil war. It would be the initial volley of the brewing battle. Even Joe Biden would have his pants at half-mast, patriotic. But since the story doesn’t fit that criteria, it heads to oblivion like Crystal Pepsi and Dan Rather. There’s no political capital to be gained when a journalist is murdered by a Democrat.
And now in comes Obama who will gleefully ignore all this mayhem like he did with ISIS. He’ll also say the threat to this country isn’t crime. It’s people who don’t vote for Democrats whose policies lead to more crime. It’s not all the senseless murders you see, it’s the complaints about the senseless murders.
So remember when the media was happily hoodwinked by Jussie Smollett? They embraced the hoax despite its absurdity. Well, it’s happening again, but at a far greater scale. The media now portrays the country as a colossal Smollett, just waiting to be attacked by imaginary racists and red hats. It’s a hoax like the others, but that won’t stop them. Smollett has become the unofficial spiritual leader of the Democratic Party by giving the party a roadmap that runs right through MAGA country, stoking fear through fabrication of an enemy.
So now we’re living in a war of the worlds version of hate crime hoaxes, and the media will always defend the hoax, saying, “well, it’s true somewhere, if not here.” And while that’s happening, this is happening in Illinois. Another state gets rid of no cash bail because, you know, it’s been a rousing success everywhere else. Here’s what that means.
ILLINOIS MAYOR: It abolishes cash bail for almost every offense. This includes but isn’t limited to: kidnapping, armed robbery, second degree murder, drug induced homicide, aggravated DUI, threatening a public official and aggravated fleeing and eluding. Offenders released on electronic monitoring have to be in violation for 48 hours before law enforcement can act. They could almost drive to Alaska before we can even look for them. It denies victims their constitutional rights, and keep this in mind, businesses and homeowners, officers will no longer be able to remove trespassers from your resident residence or your businesses. Someone could decide to live in your shed, and all we can do is give them a ticket. You have to decide what level of force is required to remove them and whether or not it’s legal.
Well, thank God I don’t own a shed. I think that’s the lesson we all learned here. But it is amazing, a killer can drive to Alaska before cops can even look for him. I hope Jaime Lissow has some spare bedrooms. It’s the only person I know who lives in Alaska beside Sarah Palin. And we don’t talk much. Sarah and I were, you know, split apart.
Now, political leaders, they have one job to maintain order, so you can live a somewhat secure life. And here they rejected under the assumption that such laws don’t work for certain people, which is racist. But then they call you racist for complaining about it. So what’s this mean?
Well, while the Democrats chase down phantoms in red hats, you’ll see more violence and more death from actual living, breathing criminals. And it proves that what happens in Vegas won’t always stay in Vegas because all the Dems do is bet on red.